Relationship with an autistic man

Autism Awarness Question

I am in a relationship with an autistic man and I just can’t do it anymore. We have no friends because he makes them all angry. We have 2 children and a home together and he does nothing to help and if I even ask it turns into an argument. And he didn’t call off work today as his suppose to. So I should be asleep since I work in the morning but i can’t stop thinking his gonna get fired and we can not afford that. I want out so desperately but he will not leave no matter how mean and no matter how much I tell him I don’t love him anymore. I’m horribly depressed and angry all the time. I just want him out of my life

Whether he’s autistic or not domestic violence is real. Like damn, don’t make it seem like it’s easy to leave a person. Clearly, most of y’all don’t know certain levels of love js. I’m gonna support any woman that wants an out of something they don’t want to deal with. It may be harder for some. Place yourself in someone’s shoes or keep it quiet.

I don’t think she is saying that autistics can’t be in a relationship, just this specific individual isn’t a good partner.

As an autistic man myself. I urge you to maybe talk to your family, maybe they can give you somewhere to go and leave, so you can get everything together again. It may seem to mean, but you need to just vanish if everything you’ve said won’t work. Keep all your documented proof so that when he inevitably takes you to court you’re well-armed.

There are high functioning autistic children/adults hence hers having a job they have kids….but they’re still autistic, however…if it too much getting out isn’t being mean and she shouldn’t be so hard on herself….im raising an autistic son and he’s high functioning but its a job for me his school but I pray and keep pushing….praying she find peace and understanding an when it’s time to cut her loses it won’t matter cause her mental health is just as important.

Have you’s both tried counseling maybe separately and maybe later on together even if it doesn’t work out between you’s you can both get support and move on.

Every time it gets to that point something comes up and I have to leave therapy. Unfortunately, my job is not very understanding of anything. Kids, mental health, life issues. Nothing.

Mod now watching this post. Kind or constructive comments ONLY, please. Nastiness or rudeness will not be tolerated. Also please read the full post and the comments before you comment as the OP is having to explain herself over and over again. If people continue to be nasty I will happily hand out mutes. Thank you.

I have left I went to a women’s shelter when I was pregnant with our first but there was some sketchy people there it was scary and uncomfortable as a 7-month pregnant woman. I’ve called the police and had him temporarily removed but since he is on the lease he has every legal right to be here. And I have nowhere to go. I was nice iv tried to calmly explain my displeasure in this relationship but all he suggested was that I need to be medicated. Plz if you have nothing nice or constructive to say leave. Your no help. I just needed to rant. I’m tired and worn out.

Since several people are speaking on what he should be capable of versus what he isn’t capable of… I’m sorry but no one on this thread knows that and neither does she since she isn’t use to autism. And for those of us who are, we only know about the person(s) with autism in our lives – it’s a broad spectrum (and that’s an understatement). What one is aware of, the next person isn’t. What one is capable of, the next person isn’t.
And it’s the type of disorder that depending on the person’s severity and mannerisms, even had his parents given 150% it wouldn’t have done any good for some individuals (my son is that way – doesn’t change, isn’t receptive/he’s always hell bent on doing things his way no matter how hard to try to teach him what’s okay and what isn’t – in fact he gravitates towards doing things he shouldn’t and things that could land him in a lot of trouble).
Everyone is different. None of us know their situation or his capabilities or what he can’t do, just saying. He’s going to need intervention/lots of help.
If anyone in Pennsylvania has resources to get him in these interventions I’d love to hear about them. Where he was diagnosed they suggested therapy and gave us a few people specialized is autism however 2 of them retired and then due to covid most were sent doing in-person visits.
It’s not your job to take care of him. It’s not a partner’s job to be the parent. I’m not saying to leave him or stay, but if you stay you need to relinquish the role of parent and demand more responsibility from him. Get some counseling. Someone to tell you you’re not crazy. A lot of workplaces offer EAP assistance for counseling for free.
Okay so I get your frustrated and I’m just gonna express what I know. Just because they found out recently that he has autism doesn’t stop the fact he’s always been autistic. If you don’t know much about it then you will know they don’t have much sympathy and think very matter of fact. I’m sorry you took this marriage on not realizing what you’re getting into but his mom’s an alcoholic so she is literally null and void, she isn’t helping (most mom’s of autistic boys would because my boy is really all about me and he’s only but figures out a way to talk to him they are all about routine and structure and it sounds like they dismissed his differences and now he is suffering because you are expecting someone normal and he is different.. he was just ignored and I actually feel bad for him, I’m sorry for your babies truly.. because of their father’s mother’s slackness they won’t have the dad they could have. Don’t give up on him that’s the last thing he needs, even just co-parenting cause you have kids together.
I’m sorry but this post is so sad, reading your comments I get you hurt but you are talking about him like he got the help he deserved and needed or even the understanding. Just be roommates if you have nowhere else to go. If he’s truly autistic he won’t really care for your company anyway, but really this makes my heart hurt for my son he isn’t aware of what we usually are aware of he can’t even help it and that doesn’t excuse him but the signs were there when y’all got together so don’t make him be the bad guy cause of a disability cause that’s just wrong he needs support, good lord
Yeah, that’s where I agree with you. They aren’t good with feelings and touching and yeah it can be very different and difficult. I understand that go find your happiness, I mean really leaving any relationship isn’t so easy but of course, find your happiness but try a way to not mess him up for the next girl (we truly don’t know how they think feel, and can react being autistic, so be careful my son gets 1 wrong object and it’s gone for good sometimes lol so just remember they have a different kind of feelings be gentle ànd straight forward
He wasn’t taught how to deal with what’s going on with him. It’s new to him too. And as an adult may be quite scary. I know you’re not his mother… but he has to know his behavior is unacceptable and he needs to come to terms with what’s going on. And seek whatever he needs to be able to cope or just be with you and the children. He must know how important the children are and how his behavior could and will affect them.
See if he is willing to seek help to understand what’s going on with him. If so help him along the way and see if he can change. Understand change is very very hard for those with autism. Be patient if you have any left. You may have to act as a mother at times. It’s just all that you want to deal with.
Try counseling. I am sure that deep. down inside you have feelings for him. Sometimes they.get.buried when you go through stuff like this. I know it hard but will get through it. I was in the same boat as you we work it out and we are happier than we ever were. I.found feelings that I lost for him during the years, and some new feelings as well. so believe me they are there. At least try. for.your kids there so young. My kids are older and we tried and it was totally worth it. You may or may not have the same results. But you want to be able to tell your kids that you tried everything in your power 1st.
It’s very hard u need to have a routine stick to it with friends it’s ok to have your own..a good balance time on your own then with friends as a couple and a family for his work u couldn’t ring up for him yrs money stresses make everything 10x worse sounds like this is fixable though can he or u sleep on the couch separate living he won’t go on the couch though u will have to cause he prob thinks nothing is wrong maybe do up a roster so everyone contributes etc makes life easier for u be straight that u have had it and if nothing changes, unfortunately, u will be the one that will have to move out start again extremely expensive to do and stressful..try and heal the resentment u have for him both of u go back to remembering what made u a couple maybe do up a nice dinner just for the 2 of u to talk calmly and refocus on being a couple again…
It’s very hard u need to have a routine stick to it with friends it’s ok to have your own..a good balance time on your own then with friends as a couple and a family for his work u couldn’t ring up for him yrs money stresses make everything 10x worse sounds like this is fixable though can he or u sleep on the couch separate living he won’t go on the couch though u will have to cause he prob thinks nothing is wrong maybe do up a roster so everyone contributes etc makes life easier for u be straight that u have had it and if nothing changes, unfortunately, u will be the one that will have to move out start again extremely expensive to do and stressful..try and heal the resentment u have for him both of u go back to remembering what made u a couple maybe do up a nice dinner just for the 2 of u to talk calmly and refocus on being a couple again…

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